Unsolved Mysteries

When I think horror I think real life, real threats and real terror. My older sister had a T.V. in her room. It was small and loud and it drew my attention. The voice was that of Robert Stack and the show was Unsolved Mysteries. We were in a trailer and it was very cold in Montana. I was 5 and just had went through the most traumatic experience of my life. The person who took advantage of my younger sister and I was gone and I could still feel him in that place. I wanted that place to be gone, to burn. It did shortly after that. My sister’s room was at the end of a long hall way my room in the middle of the hallway and the bathroom after that. There was a furnace in the utility access just outside her door. I used to run from that noise like it had teeth and claws. When I would lay there watching that show I would get sp frightened about the show I couldnt think about the person who hurt me. I remember the time they were discussing Alien Contact and it showed a man levitating while a beam of light entered his body. I remember hiding my eyes in the pillow I was laying on and letting out a scream. I heard my sister sat my name and I looked up and smiled at her. She had no clue what had just happened in my brain. This was trauma that I had caused myself. That terrified me to the point of a catatonic state later that night. I did not sleep good after that night for the rest of my life. I thought so hard about not thinking about that scene on that show that I urinated myself while I was awake. I didn’t move to try and get out of the pee, I didn’t get out of the cold liquid. I just stayed still petrified by every though and sound. It was the first time that happened to me that I can remember. I just remembered laying completely still and closing my eyes and rocking my head back and forth so I couldnt hear anything. It created trauma that let me live outside the initial trauma of someone and something real hurting me. Im not afraid of monsters anymore, I’m not afraid of losing those I love. Im afraid of the ones I love suffering the way I had.